The Fine Game

Safari Field Guide Training in South Africa (June-August 2003)

Six weeks at Antares Field Guide Training Centre
Grietjie Nature Reserve near Phalaborwa


The Fine Game


Bill introduced a weekly fine game to raise money for Betty’s tip (our cleaner).

The first fines were set by Bill:

Michael – for raising course fees due to future stockouts (dustbin – eats EVERYTHING), fine: 45 push ups / R2
Augustin – for not cooking, fine: 2 push ups / R0.5
Monica – for being an aracnophobic conservationalist, fine: hold a flattie / R2
Derek – for not being able to understand his accent, fine: jump in pool within next 30mins / R2
Natalie – for being quiet initally and for having nice hair, fine: denied peanut butter for 2 days / R2
Stephen – for being the only smoker, fine: no cigs for all of monday / R5
Adrian – for being incompetent with the VCR, fine: down half a glass of red wine / R?
Ian – for changing phylums (chordata to molusca) – in other words spineless, fine: next weeks exam paper in advance / R10
Mel – failed conservation strategy and has turned an organism from phylum chordata to one from molusca, fine: free bottle soya sauce / R?

Monica and Adrian set fines the following week:

Stephen – for saying “children aren’t human”, fine: wear a nappy on Monday / R10
Michael – for beating Adrian at chess and telling Monica to shut up, fine: eat a sandwich of bovril, banana, peanut butter, coffee beans and amorat / R10
Natalie – for becoming freaky at night(?), fine: bark like a dog after every sentence starting 9pm tonight / R5
Derek – for being the most perverted guy on the course, fine: clean yourself up and shave your head / R10
Augustin – for combining cricket and tennis and being good at it, fine: sing a french song / R5
Bill – for being most argumentative student on the course, and for being the worst conservationalist of the week (car hit a bird), fine: can’t disagree with anyone on Monday / R5
Mel & Ian – for taking away Kaza’s manhood (dog), also because Ian mistook an ostrich for a lion, fine: Ian – eat 2 spoons of coffee granuals / R5 and Mel – walk like a castrated man on Monday / R5

Derek and Natalie set fines the following week:

* for providing “mid-week bubbles” the original fines for Ian and Mel were reduced by R5 each!
* extra fines for making Natalie laugh: R1 – with exceptions for Bill and Adrian: R2
Bill – because elephants DON’T chase trees! Because of an unhealthy obsession with eating leaves, identifying grasses and finding trees exciting! For correctly identifying a captive parrot! As well as repeating yourself (and others comments) fine: for the rest of the evening you must say “pieces of 8” before you begin to talk / R10 + R2 = R12
Michael – worst conservationalist of the week: for throwing stones at birds, not only did you not stop till they flew away but you also narrowly missed one! fine: from a set distance throw a tennis ball at the same spot on the wall until reaching 30 in succession / R10 + R1 = R11
Augustin – for telling us we wouldn’t see any lions on your game drive because you’d shot them, fine: same task as Michael / R10 + R1 = R11
Stephen – for “running out of petrol” on your game drive, fine: sit in “seat of shame” for the next game drive – trackers seat – wearing only t-shirt and shorts / R5 + R1 = R6
Adrian – for failing to find reverse on 4×4 and for being colourblind (red/yellow), fine: reverse back then drive forwards in 4×4 10 times / R5 + R2 = R7
Monica – for your strange dream about J-Lo and a Hippo (as Ben Afleck) eating poop and for tempting Ian and Bill with your big/small bum and causing an in-depth discussion about it, fine: re-enact your dream with the aid of your teddy / R5 + R1 = R6
Ian – for your comments on Monica’s bum, fine: for Mel to decide! / R15 – R5 = R10 (Mel’s fine was for Ian to jump fully clothed into the swimming pool within 30 seconds – which he did… and then afterwards for revenge he lay on Monica’s bed to make it wet! Derek and I were also later informed we’d be leading Monday’s bush walk!)
Mel – for failing a rescue mission, fine: run out of the nearest door and back through the furthest door in 30 seconds. Time starts when you leave your seat and stops when you sit back down / R15 – R5 = R10

These were the best fines yet. We’re obviously getting to know each other much better!!

Stephen and Michael set fines for the last week:

Monica – women are still evolving, fine: bow down and worship Ian 3 times / R5
Adrian – the invisible man, fine: always has to give an opinion (like Bill) / R5
Bill – for eating leaves, fine: give up meat for the weekend and keep quiet / R5
Natalie – for poking people in the early morning hours, fine: down drink / R5
Ian – no fine – for teaching the truth (evolution)
Mel – we had to “wait” for the backup guide, fine: lead a walk / R5
Augustin – for chopping up trees, fine: give a speech on conservation tonight / R5
Derek – for trying to push Michael in the pool and failing, fine: you jump in for the failed attempt / R5

If there were any others, I didn’t note them down. Betty got a nice tip though! :)